Something to consider, please?

You seem to find me very negatively placed. You are right that I am not really a sociable animal. I don't really see the point of being with people just to recycle the same trivialities seemingly for narcissistic reasons. I'm thinking of particularly dull people that we know here.

I find that a lot of what happens to me disappointing i.e. the way I can be treated, ignored, disrespected etc. But in truth I am not treated any differently from anyone else, and no doubt I can treat others just the same, and I know that you have felt similarly. I try not to let it get me down, or if it does I can be fed up for a while but I can find enough peace within me to put it behind me. Treating people badly seems to be the way of the world. It's not for me though.

I can see that you see me as being lonely. I'm not. New work when it comes will bring new social opportunities, there's the pub, Mike, the kids, it's enough for now. I am generally happy to accept people as they are and if people aren't perfect, well I'm not either. The temporary nature of work related friendships tends to suit me. If I am to have longer term or more frequent relationships I want them to be based upon something shared and not just navel gazing or Dave and Ted's banal and immature pub crawling pussy hunts. I know that isolates me and I know that being opinionated can compound this. I try to be kind, generous and a good listener; much more so that many I some across, and most people only want their own self to prevail, I guess I get bored with that and that's why I don't see many people.I know that a lot of what you project onto me is a reflection of your past, my weaknesses and faults filtered through your values, our situation with its frustrations and uncertainties. But I think that you fell out of love with me a long time ago and sometimes I wonder if you ever did.

Yesterday I was happy to see you, was happy with my day, there was no problem. Of course life could be better, in our situation that's a given. Like you I cannot be super positive all the time. You clearly want a different life than we have had for some time, with the social aspects such as yesterday's lunch, Julie, your course, Tammy and the kids etc, that's fine by me I'm not possessive (I can be nervous about being hurt but that's a different matter) but please don't denigrate me becuase I want different things from life. I love you, we have until Thursday night before we're really together again. Let's not load it with too much expectation though. I just want you to be happy, if we can be happy together then that's what marriage is about.